Un Viaggio: One Journey

Reflecting on this date. 27 years ago, my Uncle committed suicide. Today, a freshmen at my high school committed suicide. Here is a plea to stop suicide and make known that lives are important. Rest in Peace Uncle David and Grace.

I seriously feel like I basically lost it the last two weeks because I didn’t have a book that was keeping my thoughts in the right place. I know that sounds insane, but seriously. I need to read a little at night and the words help my thoughts shape into what they need to be. Here’s to a better time. Not caring how those judge me. Being me. For whoever cares that doesn’t matter. Thank you the last song.

Totally what I need right now. 

I met you a year ago today. The way you treated me this fall made me feel like I was worth something. Now, I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what’s real. I don’t know who you are. I wish I did. But you’re hidden, lost. Who is I real you? Was that what you showed me? Or was it all just a game? I wish I knew. For now, I know what I need to stop chasing the past. And this can be said for both things I just want back. Well either one or the other. I need to search for the future. I need to be me. And if the future should include you, so be it. I’m just done chasing.

I just want to cuddddle. Is that too much to ask?

Three years later. And I just don’t care.

And in the events of last night and today, I found this song. And I think its finally time to say goodbye to you for good. No matter how much I’d rather not. But I think I’ve messed up you life a little too much for now. Stupid senior screwing with the beginning of other peoples college experiences. I hope you will be happy, as that is what matters in the end. Goodbye, you. 

Yesterday I got lost in the circus,
feeling like such a mess.
And now I’m down,
I’m just hanging on the corner.
I can’t help but reminisce.

Because when you’re gone,
all the colors fade.
When you’re gone,
no new years day parade. 
You’re gone,
colors seem to fade.

Your mama called, she said,
that you’re downstairs crying.
Feeling like such a mess.
Ya, i hear ya,
in the back ground balling. 
What happened to your sweet summer time dress.

I know we all,
we all got our faults.
We get locked in our vaults,
and we stay..

When you’re gone, 
all the colors fade. 
When you’re gone,
no new years day parade.
You’re gone,
colors seem to fade,
colors seem to fade.

Such a perfect quote for this evening. As you finally realized how much you hurt me. And now, it’s time to just see how the heck this “being friends” thing goes. Maybe I can finally be a better person.